What Is Couple Separation Anxiety?

All emotional breakdowns are more or less painful. Some even leave after-effects. Others can be experienced in a truly pathological way. This is what happens to people who base their relationship on absolute emotional dependence. They often suffer from what we call the anguish of separation as a couple.

Until recently, separation anxiety disorder was exclusively associated with childhood. This disorder thus concerns children who suffer a lot when they are separated from their attachment figures. Events such as going to school, seeing parents go to work or even sleeping alone, generate great anxiety in them.

This type of manifestation is often observed in families with an overprotective parental model. But the fear of being separated from one’s attachment figures can also appear after childhood and adolescence.

Indeed, many adults experience truly devastating symptoms when their emotional relationship breaks down. Excessive anxiety, fears, psychosomatic symptoms, insomnia problems, constant worry… People feel helpless and require a very special psychological approach. Let’s see this in more detail.

Couple separation anxiety: symptoms, origin, strategies

The simple fact of being separated from your partner for a few days is sometimes painful. However, some people experience it in a more intense and even traumatic way.

Evolutionary psychologists point out that the couple bond ends up having the same meaning as the father-son or mother-son bond. The same neurochemicals are in fact present: oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine …

Lisa Diamond, a social psychologist at the University of Utah, said in a survey that there are actually many similarities between the affiliate relationships and relationships of e torque. We need the closeness of this figure that we love. We are looking for his well-being.

This attachment can sometimes cease to be healthy and become clearly obsessive. So much so that very problematic situations can arise on an emotional level. Couple separation anxiety disorder is one example.

This disorder essentially results from the fact that the brain treats this experience as a threat, as a traumatic event. The production of cortisol is immense. It is accompanied, moreover, by a very wide range of physical and psychological symptoms.

What exactly is separation anxiety?

It is often not just a simple anxiety situation. When the latter is maintained over time and is accompanied by a series of very specific characteristics, it is actually a disorder of separation anxiety or separation anxiety.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), these conditions are part of the  group of anxiety disorders . The associated manifestations are as follows:

• A high level of anxiety and stress 
• Repeated attempts to reconnect and reconnect.
• The refusal to accept the end of the relationship.
• Significant emotional stress and the inability to grieve the normal loss of this relationship.
• Difficulty falling asleep.
• The impossibility of regaining the normality of his daily life, to the point of not going to work.

• Dietary changes (eating too much or ceasing to be hungry).
• The appearance of psychosomatic illnesses: digestive disorders, stomach aches, headaches …

What is its origin ?

Some people cope better than others with an emotional breakdown. Others take a little longer to recover and some of them find themselves trapped in a debilitating and pathological state.

This is the case for people who suffer from separation anxiety. These people present usually nt very specific triggers. These triggers are:

• A dependent personality. In other words, to base any relationship on an excessive and disproportionate attachment. In the most extreme cases, there is already a dependent personality disorder: behavior that is defined as an excessive need for care. This need leads to situations of strong submission.

• Borderline personality disorder. These are cases where being abandoned is of the greatest concern. Pathological fear is at the root of problems and disagreements. The rupture is then experienced in a very traumatic way.
• An anxious attachment bond. These links are defined by worry, insecurity, the need for possession and codependence.

How to deal with separation anxiety as a couple?

The therapeutic approach to treating separation anxiety  will depend on the specifics of each case. A person with attachment problems is not the same as a person with borderline personality disorder. Cognitive behavioral therapy will be useful most of the time, however, for a number of reasons:

• The person will be able to acquire coping skills to control anxiety.
• Managing the bereavement resulting from this emotional depression will be made easier.
• The person will acquire emotional, relational and self-esteem skills.
• Various aspects will also have to be worked on to avoid building other bonds of emotional dependence.

In short, if it is true that breaking up is never easy, it is important not to fall into this extreme. Taking a passive stance, letting sadness devour us, and looking in the rearview mirror at memories is the worst option. Do not hesitate to seek professional help.

Our thoughts

It is also fundamental to keep in mind the importance of our levels of personal knowledge and self-esteem in the choice of mate …