What Does It Mean To Validate An Emotion?
Validating an emotion or a story told and experienced by another person is such a valuable achievement – the redundancy is worth it – that it is one of the fundamental pillars of many of the interventions that are performed in psychology. Many people who come for consultation feel embarrassed. Uncomfortable. Lost in the midst of a sea of emotions they may not know how they got to. Or in which they do not know how to navigate.
The other day Alicia said she didn’t know how sad she could feel, having a wonderful family and a pretty good job. Fernand said he blamed himself for not trying hard enough. Lucas was trapped in anxiety because his schedule had changed and his son was leaving school before he could come and pick him up. Besides, he also blamed himself for having felt this: he knew that nothing was going to happen if his child waited five more minutes at school at night.
It’s normal for you to feel this way
One of the first ideas we’re going to try to convey to Alicia, Fernand or Lucas is that it’s normal for them to feel that way. That they are not “emotional lunatics”. That what they feel is consistent. Not with the world, but with the parallel reality they have constructed. The one they’re working with in the background.
Thus, validating an emotion implies in the first place that the other stops feeling strange. It may or may not be necessary to intervene, but under no circumstances can the person be considered defective. She may have a greater sensitivity, a greater degree of neurosis, working with a whole truckload of irrational ideas, but the problem is not in her nature.
This is the starting point that any psychologist must establish with his or her patient : that he or she is able to do better. In what exactly? When it comes to managing emotions and setting priorities, for example. Thus, validating an emotion also serves to restore some of the control that the patient may think they have lost.
In this sense, validating an emotion is also a wonderful resource for caring for relationships. If we do it right, it will be a first step, a break in the glass that will never lead to rejection. In addition, and at the same time, we will let the other know that we have listened carefully (active listening).
Be careful, to say that what the other feels is normal, does not mean that the problem he poses to us is extraordinary or not, or that the emotional intensity with which he lives is the one that helps him the most.. We wouldn’t help him much if we told Lucas that it doesn’t matter if his son has to wait a bit, because he already knows that and he can’t manage not to punish himself for it. . Encouraging that idea will only make it worse, make it even stranger to him. Just like it would be in Alicia’s situation.
This is why telling others “ Stop feeling sad ” or “ There is no reason for you to do this ” is so counterproductive. These imperatives never make a person feel better. They place more obligations on a battle that is already underway. If there is something that the person needs, it is exactly the opposite, that others recognize their efforts, that they fight this battle.
Validating an emotion: the best starting point for emotional support
In this way, with validation, we open the doors to emotional expression, without the fear that the other will feel judged. Or reprimanded. As we said, we also give the other back control of their emotions. In addition, it allows us to place ourselves as a helping figure with the other. The other will feel that we understand him. That we picked up this piece of rope that he threw at us. And that our possibilities of being able to help him will increase.
Thus, the fact of validating an emotion is one of the essential elements at the base of any relationship. However, it is in clinical contexts that it is particularly important. It is also important in emergency situations. For example, a person may become very bewildered and not feel tremendous sadness at having lost several family members in a tragedy.
In fact, you can deduce from this emotional callousness that you don’t like them. And that you feel very guilty. Now let’s think that the manifestation of guilt and sadness can have some common traits. How are we going to be able to help him if we don’t know what the situation is?
Our thoughts Feeling the way sadness runs through our entire body is a natural sensation. On the other hand, its disappearance passes through its acceptance …
