Unfulfilled Expectations: I Love You, But That Is Not Enough For Me
One of the most common problems in our lives is the unfulfilled expectations of our partner. Many of us throw ourselves into a relationship with all we have and with an open heart.
We say to ourselves that it is finally the right person, that this time it will work and that we will finally achieve this emotional stability to grow alongside someone in the same project. Until, little by little, the cold of disappointment made itself felt.
“ You have too many illusions and you are not realistic” they tell us. “You have too high expectations and that’s why you end up being disappointed, ” they insist. It may be true. Some people may abuse daydreams and place too much hope in someone, but not really knowing them.
However, having expectations is a good thing and it is to be expected. Thanks to them, we place on the horizon the minimum to which we wish to aspire: to be happy, to feel loved, and to begin a new period of life in which, although the difficulties are not lacking, the challenges are worth it.
If all else fails, emptiness, lack, and the clear feeling that something is missing emerges. Let’s dig deeper into the subject.
Unmet expectations: what can we do?
Expectations are the backbone of our relationships, whether with our partners, friends or family. We put in it what we expect from others in the short and long term.
We clarify our desires, our hopes, and what we consider essential to feel secure, content, and happy. Now, as we have pointed out, it is normal to build them, define them and even place them on our horizon.
The problem arises when “what I expect” does not happen, when the expected reward is not present in the relationship. There are basically two reasons. The first: the assumptions about this future were excessive and unrealistic. In other words, we ourselves stumble upon the impossible while dreaming about it.
The other reason is obvious: our expectations have been adjusted and are conceivable, but what we are experiencing does not reach a minimum level of satisfaction. Because sometimes disillusionment creeps in like a crack under our feet.
What we experience on a daily basis is not what we expected. Love is there, it still exists, but it does not seem sufficient to us. Let’s go a little further on this subject.
Is it bad to have expectations in a relationship?
It is often said that it is better to live with the unexpected than with the expectations. It may be true. However, as rational beings we must have a minimum of control over events.
Expectations are personal beliefs about what we would like to see happen in the future. They are also sophisticated mechanisms that allow us to anticipate or imagine certain events in order to know how we would react to them. So knowing this… is it wrong to have expectations in a relationship?
- No, it’s not counterproductive to set our minds on a series of expectations about how we would like this relationship to be.
- However, these expectations should be realistic, adjusted and as objective as possible.
- For example, it is normal to expect not to be betrayed. It’s also normal to expect the relationship to be long lasting and not break down after two months. It’s just to have the hope that we will be supported in difficult days, that we will have someone to count on
Unsatisfied expectations: how to act?
Many people feel that their expectations of their partner are not being met. They feel disappointed and sometimes even disillusioned when they realize that a lot of the things they expected are not happening.
The love is there and it is reciprocal. However, we are not satisfied. What can we do when faced with unfulfilled expectations?
- Am I realistic? The first thing to do is think about: do we have any unrealistic ideas about how we think our relationship should be?
- It is always good to clarify where many of our ideas and needs come from and why they are there. If we perceive that many of them are illusory and ill-suited, we will have to rethink them. In this way, we will avoid frustration and disappointment.
- Do your expectations and those of the other coincide? When we feel dissatisfied, when we perceive that things are not going the way we thought, it’s time to stop and talk.
- It’s time to clarify what we expect from each other. Sometimes this kind of conversation can reveal that we don’t have the same goals or that we may be overlooking important things.
- What are we doing to meet our expectations? If we both have the same goals, our mutual commitment is the same, it is time to clarify whether we are achieving them. Sometimes we take things for granted and then we stop nurturing the relationship.
A journey between two where expectations and the unexpected can coexist
The unmet expectations of the partner are often a reason for breaking up. It happens when you end up feeling like everyone is traveling alone in the relationship. Same car, same ticket, but everyone is on a different route. These are complex situations that many people have experienced at some point in time.
The best thing to do in any case is to set realistic, well-adjusted expectations of what we want and what we don’t want. On what we consider a priority and what we consider intolerable (deception, incomprehension, lies, emotional coldness …).
Once these expectations are established and mutually shared, it is always good to leave room for the unexpected, for what allows us to discover each other. It is about meeting the challenges together in order to continue to grow.
Finding a partner, after all, is not about finding someone who is 100% of your expectations and wants. It’s about finding someone whose journey complements yours.
Our thoughts Some people suffer from emotional addiction. They often suffer from the anguish of separation as a couple.
