The Cult Of Victimization
We have all, at some point, assumed the role of victim in a painful or traumatic situation. Indeed, we felt vulnerable and exposed and we needed to be taken care of and protected. The cult of victimization reinforces this by giving the impression to the person who is victimized to be accompanied.
When we received the care and protection of those around us, we discovered that it is nice to feel the attention of others, that we appreciate the feeling of being the hero of those around us and that they are constantly at our bedside.
It turns out that a few people take on this role as an identity. They become chronic victims. This identity is supported by the cult of victimization in which we live. It is well seen to help those who need it, even if that means getting lost in it. On the other hand, failing to come to the aid supposes negative criticism within society.
It should be emphasized that chronic victimization is not in itself a pathology present in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It could, however, lay the psychological foundation for the development of a paranoid personality disorder.
What is the victimizing role in the cult of victimization?
Continuous reinforcement
It is true that when we assume the role of the victim, it is due to a feeling of unease. There are, however, some people who make this role their lifestyle. What is this due to? What is the trigger for the re-creation of this discomfort?
The answer is simple: reinforcement and constant attention. The reinforcement that occurs when a person is victimized causes entry into a “vicious circle”.
The Cult of Victimization: The Role of Society
Society plays a key role. According to Giglioli, expert in comparative literature and author of the work Critique of the victim, victimization is a cultural addition to the social laws that frame our culture. The cult of victimization tells us that showing oneself available in the face of the victim’s role is socially welcome. Indeed, we value the fact of helping those who need it.
External control location
Victimizers genuinely believe that everything that happens to them is the fault of others or of circumstances. They say to themselves: ” I’m unlucky “, ” It always happens to me “. This is called the place of external mastery. We do not take responsibility for actions like his. On the contrary, one throws this responsibility on factors external to oneself.
Victimization and negativism
Victimists tend to exaggerate what happens to them. They thus accentuate the feeling of seriousness in relation to the situation in which they find themselves. This prevents them from seeing the positive side. They are completely focused on the negative, so much so that the positive goes unnoticed. Therefore, their ways of dealing with problems are wrong. They are unable to think of other alternatives, of possible solutions to their difficulties and of seizing the reins of their life.
Emotional blackmail as a way of communicating
Chronic victimists seek to manipulate those around them to achieve their goals. This is why they often easily recognize the most empathetic people. This is their main target, since they use this empathy to get what they want.
When this person does not do what they expect, victimists see them as an executioner, and see themselves as victims. They say things like “ With everything I’ve done for you, that’s how you return the favor ”, “ You leave me alone ”, “ If you don’t, it’s because that you don’t love me ”. This causes a feeling of guilt in the person hearing these phrases. In other words, victimists seek to get what they want through emotional blackmail.
What should I do if I find myself facing a victimist?
- Do not give him what he wants: Indeed, this encourages the victimist to remain in his role. If the people around him continue to do the same, this behavior will continue. Continuing to care for them and provide the attention they seek increases and / or sustains the victimist’s response
- Explain to the chronic victimist why you are changing their behavior to help them move out of their comfort zone. Thus, the victimist will understand the reasons for this change and the benefits it implies for him or herself. ” It’s by not giving you what you want that I really help you “
- Maintain emotional distance: being around such negative people is wearing out. To protect yourself, it is important to set limits. Indeed, our own well-being is also important
- Offer him alternatives to his behavior: “ What can you do that is different from what you have done so far? “,“ What is your share of responsibility? “. “ Are you ready to assume that you also have an active role in what is happening and that it is not all bad luck or other bad luck? “
- Do not get too involved if this person does not want to change: remember that “ I cannot sacrifice myself to make the other better ”. It is important to offer him our understanding and affection. However, this does not mean sacrificing our own well-being
- Knowing that you are not guilty: Guilt is one of the victimist’s main weapons. This is why it is common to feel guilty about not satisfying that person’s desires. Remember though, she’s using your guilt to get what she wants.
- Say “no”: When you are unwilling to do something, say “no” tactfully, clearly, and firmly. Don’t give too many excuses. Indeed, the victimist could use them against you
- Encourage him to seek professional help: when dealing with a person who is a chronic victim, we recommend psychological support from a professional who can actually help him.
Conclusion
As we have just seen, the cult of victimization often makes us give up our wants and needs to help others. It is important that we are aware of this in order to protect ourselves and promote change in the person who takes on the role of victim.
Our thoughts Today we are going to give you 7 rules for communicating with a manipulator, that person with the ability to lie to you or manipulate you …
