“perfect ” Children Are Not Always Happy: The Pressure Of Demanding

So-called “perfect” children do not always know how to smile and do not always know what happiness is : they are afraid of making mistakes and never meet their parents’ high expectations.

Their education is not based on freedom or recognition, but on the authority of a strict and demanding voice.

According to the APA (American Psychological Association), teenage depression is a very serious problem these days, as it sometimes reflects an inordinate demand on the part of parents and easily leads to low self-esteem, anxiety and great emotional discomfort.

We must realize that this requirement in childhood leaves an irreversible mark in the adult brain, because as it grows up, it will always think that it is not competent enough or that it is not “perfect” enough in relation to it. to the ideals instilled in him.

It is necessary to break this limiting bond which prevents him from being happy.

We invite you today to reflect on this subject.

Perfect children: when the value of effort is taken to the extreme

We often hear it said that we live in a society whose education is characterized by lack of effort, permissiveness and low resistance to frustration.

However, this is not certain: in general, and especially in times of crisis, parents seek “excellence” in their children.

If a child comes home with a 7/10 in math, they are pressured to reach 10.

His afternoons are filled with extra-curricular classes and his leisure time is limited in favor of the quest for skills, causing stress, fatigue and a lack of defense.

Expecting too much of our children: what are the consequences?

There is one thing we absolutely need to be aware of. We can educate our children in the value of the effort, we can and we must demand certain things, there is no doubt about that .

However, everything has its limits. Thus, accompanying the demand for an unconditional emotional cushion is a barrier that should be insurmountable.

For, on the contrary, our perfect children will be sad and have the following characteristics:

• Dependence and passivity: a child used to being told what to do no longer decides for himself. Thus, he will always seek external approval and lose his spontaneity and personal freedom.

• Lack of Emotion: Perfect children inhibit their emotions to adjust to “what is to be done”, and all of this, all this emotional repression can have serious short-term or long-term consequences.

• Low self-esteem: a child or adolescent who is used to external demands has no autonomy and no decision-making capacity. All of this creates a very negative image of himself.

• Frustration, resentment and inner discomfort can also manifest itself during times of aggression.

• Anxiety is another characteristic factor in children educated in high demand : changes or new situations can lead to personal insecurity and strong anxiety.

Demanding parents vs. understanding parents

The urge to raise “perfect children” is a subtle and straightforward way of making children unhappy. The pressure of demanding will accompany them all their lives and even more if you base your education on the absence of positive reinforcements and affection.

It is clear that as parents we want our children to be successful, but most of all that they are happy.

No one wants them to suffer from depression as a teenager or to become self-demanding of themselves, not knowing what it is to let go, smile, or allow yourself to do things. errors.

Main Features

Thus, it is necessary to know how to differentiate an education based on a strict requirement, an education based on understanding and emotional connection with our children.

• Very demanding and critical parents are generally insecure and need to be in control of every detail.

• Understanding parents “push” their children to progress by letting them explore, feel and discover. They are guides but they do not act with their children as if they are puppets.

• A demanding parent is assertive and always one step ahead. He marks standards and time-saving decisions with phrases, such as: “ I know what is best for you ” or “ because I am your father / your mother ”.

To conclude: to educate is to exercise authority, but with common sense it is to use affection as an antidote and communication as a strategy.