I Don’t Have Time For Hate, I Prefer To Love Those Who Love Me

Whoever spends much of our time fueling hatred towards the people around them forgets the most important thing: loving those who truly love them.

Hatred and resentment are two sinister and lingering enemies that tend to take root very deep in our minds.

Because in reality, these are traps into which we fall all alone, prisoners of these negative and self-destructive emotions.

It is often said that “hate is the reverse of love” when it is not entirely true.

Hating is a private but disembodied exercise in which different emotions are mixed: from anger to humiliation or aversion.

We are then faced with a primary instinct which, by its force and its impact on our brain, can prevent us from putting what is really important first, such as our balance and the people who love us.

I don’t have time for anger and resentment, let alone hate people who hate me, because hate is the death of intelligence and I’m too busy loving those who love me.

Both Aristotle and Freud defined hatred as a state where the feeling of violence and annihilation is often present.

Martin Luther King, for his part, spoke of this emotion as a night without stars, something so dark where the human being loses his reason for being, his essence.

It is clear that we are facing the most dangerous way of human beings and that is why we invite you to think about it here.

Hatred is not blind, it always has a reason

Hatred is never blind, it has a very concrete reason, a victim, a collective or even values ​​that we do not share and to which we react.

Carl Gustav Jung, for example, spoke in his theories of a concept that is still very interesting today: he calls it the shadow of hate or the hidden face of hate.

According to this theory, many people look down on others because they see qualities in them that they don’t have.

Here is an example: the man who can’t stand his wife being successful professionally or the co-worker who feels hatred and contempt for others because it is just jealousy.

Here, we can clearly see that hatred is never blind but responds to reasons that seem valid to us.

Here is a test that was published in 2014 in the journal “Association for psychological science”, the study of which is entitled “ Anatomy of Daily Hate” .

In this work, we tried to reveal what are the most common hatreds of human beings and at what age we “start to hate” for the first time.

The first fact is that the most intense hatred is almost always generated between people who are very close to each other.

Most of those interviewed said that throughout their life they had hated it intensely 4 or 5 times. 

• Hatred almost always centers on relatives or work colleagues.

• Children how to hate around 12 years old.

• Hatred appeared, in this study, to be something very personal. We can despise a politician, a character or a determined way of thinking, but authentic hatred, real hatred, tends to almost always be projected towards very concrete people in the most intimate circles. 

Hatred is the death of thought and freedom

Buddha said it: what makes you angry dominates you. What awakens in us hatred and resentment makes us prisoners of an emotion which, whether we believe it or not, spreads with the same intensity and negativity.

Think of this father who arrives at the house with resentment towards his leaders and who talks about his contempt and dislike all the time to his wife and children.

All these words and behavior have a direct impact on the little ones.

In a world full of hate, we must dare to forgive and keep hope. In a world full of hatred and despair, we must dare to dream.

We also know that it is not easy to put out the fire of hate in our brains. We have the impression that to grant forgiveness to those who have hurt us and humiliated us is to give in.

But no one deserves a trapped existence. Especially when we neglect the essential: allow ourselves to be happy. Live in freedom.

It is worth considering its dimensions of life. 

Like breaking free from the trap of hate

Hatred has a very concrete brain circuit that enters the areas responsible for judgment and responsibility located in the prefrontal cortex.

As we previously pointed out, hatred is not blind and therefore we can rationalize and control these thoughts.

• Relieve this resentment with the person responsible by arguing about the reasons for your discomfort and your pain, in an assertive and respectful manner.
  Put your emotions into words, knowing that maybe the other won’t understand you or share your reality.

• After this relief, after being clear about your position, mark an end, a farewell. Free yourself from this uncomfortable bond through forgiveness, as much as possible, in order to better close the circle or detach yourself from it.

• Accept imperfection, dissonance, thinking opposed to yours, don’t let anything disturb your calm, your identity and even less your self-esteem.

• Turn off the mental noise, the voice of resentment and turn on the light of the most rewarding and positive emotions. The one that is worth it: the love of your loved ones and the passion for what makes you happy and values ​​you.

It is a simple exercise that we should all practice every day: absolute detachment from hatred and resentment.