How To Congratulate Someone Correctly According To Science

How do you congratulate someone in the right way? Sometimes we do too much. For others, we fall short and sometimes the message is not fully understood. Exalting a person’s qualities is a difficult art that not everyone knows how to practice. What’s more, many of us have experienced wanting to brag about a task accomplished, and in doing so, what we feel is discomfort.

Moreover, it is common to be wary, to think that “he will say the same thing to everyone” or “surely what he said is false”. We’re skeptical by nature or, worse yet, there are times when we don’t feel worthy of that positive reinforcement, that verbal caress. However, it must be done. You need to both accept compliments and know how to offer them.

That’s what science tells us about it.

Keys to congratulating someone correctly according to science

When it comes to praising someone properly, there are two things you need to accomplish: make that reinforcement believable and rewarding for the person. Consider, for example, the importance of this type of validation in children. If we apply them constantly and meaninglessly, the child will stop trying to receive them and they will lose their value.

So the first key we need to follow is simple: a compliment should be given when the circumstance shows it. We must not fall into excess and even less into laziness or indifference. If a friend, employee, colleague, partner or loved one deserves it, let them know. Let us give him our due gratitude.

Let’s keep a few tips in mind.

A compliment is a powerful social tool, but it should not be abused

We have just pointed out that when it comes to “verbal caresses”, less is more. We say this for something very specific. A compliment is a social tool that allows us to connect with people. In this way, there are those who, just because of “getting it right” or gaining someone’s trust, keep emitting positive reinforcements.

This is not appropriate, this behavior generates mistrust. There are many ways to connect with each other, but resorting to the classic strategy of “throwing flowers” ​​without rhyme or reason is not the right thing to do.

Always in private

To congratulate someone properly, you need to do it privately. Positive reinforcements and specific criticisms should not be made publicly and for all to see. Let’s make sure that that moment when we tell someone that we admire them or that their work is exceptional is done in private.

It is also important to choose the right time. There are times more conducive to this type of conversation than others.

Know the personality you want to praise

Research papers, such as those carried out at the universities of College Roosevelt and Utrecht, in the Netherlands, point to something important. To praise someone properly, we need to know the person so that we know how to give them that positive reinforcement.

This is the conclusion we arrived at when we saw that praise was not useful in the whole of the sample studied (high school students in this case). It was found that for some students this was useful: their performance improved. However, in others there has been no change.

This shows us that each individual treats these positive gestures in different ways. There are those who don’t care and others think they don’t deserve it. So, in order for the message to get to them properly, we are trying to figure out how to make it believable and useful.

How to congratulate someone the right way: be specific and direct

Avoid hints, elaborate words, and long speeches. To properly congratulate someone, be direct, sincere, and close. Try to shape that emotional connection with which to reach the other person not only with the message, but also with looks, with non-verbal communication.

The quality of the message: always in the first person and with positive words

“I admire you and I am proud of you”, “I think your work is of exceptional quality”, “I was delighted that you did this”… Another key to congratulating someone properly is to ‘use the first person and always use positive words, avoiding terms such as “but”, “no”, “although”, etc.

Self-praise is also important

There is a curious aspect when it comes to praise. Research such as that carried out at the University of Bielefeld (Germany) indicates that, on average, we give more truth to criticism than to the praise of others. In a way, we do not always believe in these positive reinforcements from others, but on the contrary we are more sensitive to a specific criticism.

The truth is that it would be appropriate and advisable to allow more space for verbal caresses and to celebrate them. We are all worthy of these reinforcements and for that, nothing better than to start by congratulating ourselves. Learning to value our progress, our successes and our virtues is a way to strengthen our values ​​and our self-esteem. There is nothing selfish about it.

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