Houdini Syndrome: Fleeing Emotional Involvement

There are people who shy away from emotional involvement in their relationships. In fact, the more they perceive commitment, the more they feel the need to flee.

Houdini syndrome: avoiding emotional involvement

Houdini syndrome refers precisely to the abilities of the famous 19th century Hungarian illusionist. However, in this case we will speak of a psychological flight derived from avoidance. Thus, one can escape from a family situation, a job or daily obligations.

Ego struggles, complacency, and even difficulty in expressing oneself authentically without harming others are common circumstances in interpersonal relationships. That said, the fact that many people shy away from these relationships expresses a much deeper symptom in today’s society.

In many cases the relationship is straightforward, the greater the commitment, the greater the “need” to escape. This is something that is naturalized in many people, but what are the real causes of this phenomenon? Why is it so hard to get emotionally involved?

Emotional involvement

The emotional involvement required by the majority of our relationships has never been more questioned. Social ties have played an active role in the evolution of our species.

Involvement can also be defined by its opposite, distance. Feelings are just as fundamental as the ability to externalize them in order to understand others.

Houdini would also be surprised

Models such as family and the “herd feeling” that marked the lives of our elders have been distorted.

We live in an individualistic society in which the youth movements are more and more dispersed. This characteristic is not only found in couple relationships, it is also frequent in friendly relationships, which tend towards utilitarianism.

Emotional flight: its phases

Houdini syndrome usually has several phases. They all mark a process ranging from dedication to total rejection. Let us examine the main characteristics of these phases.

Implication : stage of the sentimental boom. At this stage, persuasion strategies are executed to get what one wants from the other. It seems that there are no limits to friendship or love.
Doubts : the weak foundations on which the links rest quickly lead to the emergence of doubts. This is when the house of cards begins to crumble. He does this slowly so as not to leave any traces.
Escape : last step that occurs when there is no more contact. The other person has slipped out of our lives and communication is nil.

A society that does not help

The individualistic society we live in does not specifically promote relationships. Technology has put total communication at your fingertips.

Nowadays it is no longer necessary to be close to a person in order to be able to establish an active relationship with them. This makes it much easier to break off relationships because we don’t have to justify our position by looking each other in the eye. Our bonds transcend those around us physically.

Social networks

In this context, devices which “facilitate” social relations have appeared. For example Tinder or Facebook, where we can contact people all over the world or find a partner in a matter of minutes. People are no longer essential: there is a reserve “bank” with many people waiting.

The supply and demand of feelings

The speed at which we change the bonds makes the ecstasy of love and friendship last for a very short time. Once a relationship is over, we return to the market in search of the ecstasy of novelty. In this way, a kind of supply and demand of feelings is created with the common denominator of novelty. In this “market” superficiality prevails: a flashy profile on social networks is essential.

Teenage love

Houdini syndrome can take root very early on. Many relationship experts claim that one possible cause is the lack of emotional education that teens receive. They are bombarded with relationship stereotypes, but without having a clear idea of how to deal with them.

The reaction of the leak

Although we identify this syndrome in some people, its effects and characteristics are the product of a social phenomenon. The syndrome can manifest itself in different ways – depending on different factors, such as the personality of the individual – but the end is always the same, flight, a behavior that usually appears when one feels fear.

How to detect a person prone to flight?

To analyze Houdini syndrome, you have to start with yourself. Quite often people find themselves complaining about these attitudes when they have other people like “plan B”.

Emotional involvement involves egocentric renunciations. Thus, an indication that betrays a person inclined to flee, is the impossibility of engaging beyond one’s own interests.

Emotional weakness

The dilemma arises. Are we getting fully involved? If we get involved in a superficial way, we cannot claim to establish strong and lasting bonds because they involve risk. So, repetitive and repeated use and running away are clear symptoms of emotional weakness. Weakness can be expressed in several ways.

Avoidance Behaviors : People who can’t get involved also can’t directly sever ties. This is how they gradually avoid contact with people through apologies.
Denial : these people can show a certain sentimental block. They often have problems expressing their feelings without taking action.
Self-centeredness : these people have difficulty planning activities that are outside their interests.

All is not lost

Let us analyze emotional leakage as an individual and social phenomenon. We don’t need to be leak-prone people to fit some edges of the profile defined in this article. We have to analyze our actions and if we detect a characteristic of this type, we can stop it before it becomes systematic. Some keys are:

Facing Fear : It is true that when we get involved, we also take risks. Confidence, empathy, and feelings seem to be at stake. But we shouldn’t be afraid if we are consistent with our ideas.

Self-esteem : we don’t have to sell someone something, that we are not. The people who will approach and endure will do so for our true characteristics.
Take care of the other : getting involved is important and playing with the expectations of the other is a sign of flight. Sincerity is one way to protect the rest.

The well-known saying “ from love to hate there is only one step” has changed to “from love to rejection there is only one look”. While we can certainly identify Houdini syndrome in many people who have passed through our lives, it is necessary to be objective. Individualism and the speed at which the environment around us changes has also evolved in our relationships, so that they now demand more and better social reflexes.