FOBU, Or The Fear Of Ending A Relationship
When a relationship is more a source of suffering than well-being, or when love has simply died out, the most logical behavior to have is to end it and move on. However, it is not always easy to achieve this. Some people have real fear just thinking about it. They suffer from what is called FOBU, or the fear of breaking up with someone.
The acronym “FOBU” stands for “Fear Of Breaking Up”. This is a behavioral pattern that can be observed in people of any age and any social condition, although it is certain that Generation Y, also known as Millennials, is more vulnerable to this phenomenon.
Tinder, WhatsApp or Instagram are the new platforms that are used to flirt. There are thousands of cases of couples who have never actually seen each other.
This lack of physical communication is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it softens blows, and on the other, it makes young people more vulnerable. They take longer than their parents and grandparents to cope with certain life- threatening traumas that must be overcome to ensure good mental and emotional development. Hence the fact that at these ages, we are more vulnerable to FOBU.
FOBU mostly occurs due to low self-esteem, fear of being alone, and ultimately having to start all over again. When a relationship is toxic and you feel trapped, any attempt at independence presupposes a world, even if the situation you find yourself in is a great source of suffering. If the relationship has been going on for a long time, breaking up would mean a drastic change.
The routine we’re used to keeps us in a bittersweet comfort zone. Having a good relationship with our spouse’s family and friends and thinking about ending it all destroys us. What would others think of us? How would they look at us in the street? How can we manage the total absence of contact with people we have loved? These are some of the fears that can arise.
When a relationship ends, the person who broke up usually feels guilty for all the pain caused. We hate to hurt others, we feel like we are tormentors, and we choose to punish ourselves for weeks on end. We know, moreover, that we too are going to suffer, and that makes us even more afraid. Our life becomes a spiral of doubts and anxieties because we do not know how to deal with the problem.
Another of the great causes of FOBU is the fact that you don’t know how to be alone. Needing the approval and presence of the other in our life makes it unthinkable to imagine ending them. We would rather be miserable and live a sad existence than face what we already know: that we no longer want to be with this person.
The only way to overcome FOBU is to face the situation. Being brave is very difficult, but often it is the only way to achieve our own happiness. It does nothing for us to stay in a place where suffering is greater than well-being.
If the relationship has been healthy and true, but the flame of love has died down, the most logical thing is to be honest with the other person. Perhaps today you are no longer in love, but one day you were; that’s why the other deserves the greatest possible respect from you. Cheating and lying to him into believing that you still love him is not only cowardly, but also very selfish.
But if the relationship has been toxic and addictive, ending it is a priority for your mental health. You deserve to be respected, valued, and loved by people who feel the same way about you. Submitting yourself to suffering and pain will only undermine your self-esteem and lead you to a dead end.
Either way, don’t ignore the doubts and remorse that beset you. Your life will change, and you will surely miss a lot of things, especially the feeling of being accompanied, even if you have been in a toxic relationship. There will even be days when you feel lonely and want to be reunited with your ex, but then it won’t be your heart that speaks; it will be your lack of habits.
If the fear of being alone or of ending your relationship with your partner begins to affect you in an abnormal way, see a specialist. Perhaps you have developed a pathology caused by a related traumatic event (old ruptures) or perhaps you need to improve your self-esteem.
In these cases, respecting and valuing yourself is essential. V ou have enough love you to successfully stop something that makes you happy. What others think about it should be secondary to you.
Don’t let too much time pass if you know you are a victim of FOBU. You will feel more and more trapped by this sensation, which will prevent you from making a decision.
But when you do decide to end the relationship, remember that the other person may not react well. Whether it’s because it breaks his heart or because he wants to keep control over you at all costs. The most important thing is that you protect yourself, especially in the second case.
After you communicate your decision to the other, step away from them for a while. Even though it may seem a little harsh and heartless to you, it is necessary. Be mature and accept the consequences of your actions, but never forget that the Earth doesn’t stop spinning. This may be the best decision you can make.
Our thoughts To know if it is time for our relationship to end, perhaps it is the time to ask questions. Let’s see this more in …
