Adults Also Have Angry Outbursts (emotional Crisis)

Adults also get angry. They sometimes lose control of their emotions  and are unable to translate this frustration, this envy, this disappointment into words.

For behaviorism, that stream of psychology that studies human behavior based on stimuli and responses,  temper tantrums are clearly non-adaptive behaviors. They don’t lead to anything. But the fact that they don’t lead to anything concrete (or really useful) doesn’t mean in the least that they don’t have important meaning. Quite the contrary. These emotional crises express a very strong message.

Between the ages of two and four, whims are part of a child’s normal emotional development. It is nothing more than a small challenge that parents must learn to deal with calmly and effectively. We forget, however,  that just growing up and becoming adults does not automatically give us the skill and maturity to recognize and control our emotions. 

We could almost say, almost without being wrong,  that adults with the emotional intelligence of a three-year-old are extremely numerous around us. If they did not create a good image of themselves in their childhood, if they did not receive adequate help to channel and understand their own emotional worlds, it is usual to see them dragging this weight. for a long time.

Adults also have moments of helplessness

Temper tantrums and tantrums are an oversized reaction to a frustrating situation. Children, for example, have a habit of manifesting their rage through screaming, crying, kicking, and a lack of emotional control. The intensity may vary but we always perceive clearly disproportionate behaviors, as well as a deficit in the level of communication and the management of emotions and impulses.

In adults, on average, these temper tantrums do not drift into physical assaults. There are no kicks, bites, etc. What is more, in a large part of the cases, they can go unnoticed by relatives.

Let’s take an example. Claudia works in a law firm and is used to being successful. Every time she achieves a goal, she is rewarded with a bonus. However, when it is her colleagues  who are recognized for their work, she cannot stand it. She doesn’t throw herself on the ground, doesn’t scream… In fact, she doesn’t say anything.

Our protagonist is limited to going to the bathroom to cry. Because she doesn’t tolerate her colleagues being better than her. Because jealousy invades her and because she does not know how to deal with this discomfort. Adults get angry, but make no mistake about it. These emotional outbursts, if they are genuine, do not seek to manipulate anyone. And that’s not the case when it happens with children, either.

Adults with frequent temper tantrums: what’s behind them?

Not everyone lets go of their emotions in private like Claudia does. It is also usual to find profiles who do not hesitate to explode in public. There are screams, objects thrown and, more serious still, an aggressiveness which gives way to insults and a lack of respect. Why do these behaviors take place?

We said that at the beginning. In a large part of the cases, the tantrum is a demonstration of a  clear emotional immaturity which prevents the person from managing his frustrations and disappointments. However, we cannot put aside other realities that a good professional would take into account in their diagnosis.

• Adults also have tantrums,  but those who experience it repeatedly may present with personality  disorder, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorders, narcissistic personality disorder, etc.
• Post-traumatic stress can also be hidden behind this behavior.
• People with autism spectrum disorder also suffer from these seizures.

I am an adult with temper tantrums, what can I do?

Let’s think about our lawyer for a moment. Let’s put ourselves in his shoes and try to imagine his difficulties when asking for help. How do you say out loud that her emotions are completely beyond her when her colleagues are recognized for their work and she is not? How to recognize it if, on top of that, she feels ashamed to feel this rage? She thinks to herself that she shouldn’t be feeling this way but doesn’t know how to deal with it.

When we are adults, it is difficult for us to talk about the envy, the frustration that certain situations generate in us…  However, nothing can be more positive than to take this step and ask for help from a professional. We will feel freer and more sure of ourselves on a daily basis.

Now let’s think about a series of strategies that could help us in these cases of rabies. Simple keys that would allow us to improve our capacity for self-control, by not encouraging these types of emotions with our behavior.

Steps to better manage these emotional crises

• Reconsider your expectations. If adults get angry, it is because they have an unrealistic view of certain situations. They expect some recognition, some benefits and some unreasonable success.
• Don’t inhibit negative emotions and don’t let them flare up either. Channel them constructively. Whenever you feel frustration, let it show up in another way. Without cries, without tears, without rage. Look for another way to express it: talk with someone, play sports, draw, write …
• Identify the situations that generate these angry outbursts or emotional crises  (envy, not getting what you want at work, in your relationships, etc.).
• Once these situations are identified, work. Create an internal dialogue, a plan of action that would make you act adjusted, mature, and emotionally intelligent.

In conclusion, we know that adults also have temper tantrums. We ourselves may have experienced some of them. If so, we probably remember their unpleasant character. They create discomfort… And we gain nothing from them. Therefore,  the time has come to work on our emotions, to give them new forms of expression and resources that will make us feel more competent.

Our thoughts