When Independence Turns Into Loneliness …

Independence is something we all strive for. It is in our nature to let go of the bonds that bind us to what we no longer need.

Looking for a job, economic independence, looking for your own house, and maybe your own spouse. But what happens when independence makes us feel lonely?

Loneliness is something that a lot of people crave, but it can be very difficult to live with.

Learn to live alone

When we gain our independence, we find ourselves in a house where no one is waiting for us. A house where silence and solitude reign.

This feeling of isolation, of abandonment is often unbearable. What to do then? Find someone who is willing to share their life with us.

This often happens on an emotional level. When we do not know how to be without a spouse, when we do not support this emotional independence either, we look for the first person who offers us a smile, to be part of our life.

We try to fill our life with something that really fulfills us. We are not aware that being with someone is not going to fill us, because it is something that we believe in our mind, only.

Often times being with someone makes us feel as empty as before.

This situation of independence and non-dependence, emptiness, loneliness can make us apathetic and unhappy. But how do you solve this? It won’t be easy …

We are taught that being alone is negative, but that on the contrary, being independent is positive.

This opposition is what causes this tension between what we want and what we feel. Between the need for independence and the fear of silence, of loneliness.

I want to be independent, but not to feel alone

When we find ourselves in this situation, we must take into account certain questions and think sincerely:

• Evaluate your hindrances, and what often hurts you. We tend to get attached to material things and people, thus becoming almost drug addicts.
  Whenever we feel that indifference is hurting us, we always come back to this “drug” to make us feel better.

• Connect to your emotions and be aware that there is only one person who will always be by your side: yourself. If independence produces the uncomfortable feeling of being alone, think of it as an apprenticeship.
• Enjoy your own company, Because often we do not know how to be alone with ourselves and enjoy the silence and solitude, which allow us to know each other better.
  Eating alone or going to the movies can be uncomfortable, but it’s very beneficial for personal well-being.

Of the things we have mentioned, the most important is without a doubt to enjoy your own company, and especially to do things on your own, like eating or going to the movies.

There are a lot of people who do this because they know the importance of doing things on their own that they normally do with others. These people know how to take advantage of their solitude, know how to go to the cinema alone, to go for a walk alone, and that it is not unpleasant.

We have been taught to have relationships and there are some things, like eating or going for a walk, that we don’t see ourselves doing alone. However, it is important to be able to do it alone because otherwise it generates latent evil.

It is necessary to eliminate all this and start practicing. Imagine you had to travel to another country for work and you didn’t know anyone there. What are you going to do ? Lock yourself in your hotel?

If independence makes you feel lonely, don’t go back or look for someone to fill that void you feel.

Take this as new learning and learn to enjoy yourself, without needing to be accompanied. 

You can enjoy a lot of things that you thought you could only do with others. Forget it all, clear it from your mind, start to change and see independence from another point of view.

Images by Xiu Pen, Art HQ, Stenn Lee