The Chamber Of Secrets
The chamber of secrets is this space where we gradually keep the things that are part of us, our habits, but which bothers or does not please our spouse. This room may start to fill up with unimportant details that we will change without a problem. A scent that does not please. Or the romantic series that bother him a lot.
The problem begins to be worrisome when, over time, the chamber of secrets is no longer filled with suggestions but with obligations. It is filled with threats, shouts, customs that our spouse finds unbearable and that we decide to change so as not to lose him and, in return, we lose ourselves.
The chamber of secrets as psychological violence
Fear is one of the reasons this chamber of secrets can fill up. Fear of the psychological reaction of the other. Violence. Or abuse. So that many people give up their desires, their identity as the price to pay to avoid being victims of physical or psychological blows. Vulnerability is increasing. The person therefore falls into the nets of his spouse. Spouse who, observing the positive consequences of the abuse for his interests, reinforces his behavior.
We begin, in such a situation, to drift away. To curl up in a corner of this room so as not to occupy the legitimate and personal space that we should have in our relationship. We move away from our personal freedom and even stop making noise and claiming who we are because it is the other who speaks for us. So that we give up our word and with it our strength and our self-esteem.
We thus build a space stripped of all that was ours and which now depends on the other. The fear of losing him consumes us because he is our life. May there be nothing left of us. It is then that this head room is filled with secrets. What we love but hide becomes the bars of our prison.
How to get out of our room with secrets?
There are no hits or marks in this room, in this prison. It is therefore more difficult to recognize it. We may even think that everything we gave up or stopped doing was done on our own. But the difference is clear. There is no freedom of choice if the fear of losing or hurting the other is present. It is then a question of coercion.
We all have quirks, things we love and don’t have to share or deny in order to please others. Let us keep in mind that these fads are not bad if they do not infringe on the freedom of the other. Therefore, in order not to lose our own voice, our space and our identity in a relationship, we must not give in on everything we do so as not to lose the other.
But if you are already locked in this chamber of secrets, we recommend that you uncover them without fear. The one who loves you ends up accepting all your quirks as soon as he tends to find an intermediate solution in which you are not the only one to give in. If you lose it to be who you really are, then it’s not worth it.
Ask for help from outside the couple if fear is preventing you from leaving the cell that your chamber of secrets has become. These friendships that today seem distant because you have hidden them in a corner. Or that family you haven’t seen for a long time. All of this can help you stop living in terror. You can also seek professional help if you feel the need. Psychologists know that you are not alone and, most importantly, that it is not your fault.
Our thoughts 
