Secrets To Maintaining A Liberating Dialogue

The secrets to initiate a liberating dialogue are numerous because it is a real art: that of knowing how to communicate, speak, and understand.

You need to learn to deal with silences, to take breaks and to intervene at the right time.

But that’s not all: you must also know how to listen, and have the capacity to understand the other in the conditions in which he finds himself.

By “liberating dialogue” we mean this form of conversation that allows the people concerned to really express themselves.

Dialogue must above all be a space where everyone can communicate authentically.

Many dialogues may turn out to be unimportant, but many others are essential, and among them you need to be able to clearly determine what is being said and what is being silenced.

You have to speak the same language, and establish a real connection with the other in order to achieve real communication.

“History is a dialogue, quite dramatic, but certain, between man and the universe.”

-Maria Zambrano-

The importance of silence in a dialogue

Some people have a very strong need to be listened to; as a result, they talk, talk and talk again without ever stopping, which can end up being annoying for those around.

This need to continually communicate sometimes emanates from a deep self-centeredness, but other times it is only a reflection of an anxiety or a need for assertiveness.

Not everyone understands the value of silence, just as not everyone understands that communication is a process based on reciprocity where each party must be able to speak and know how to be silent.

Finally, we talk about so-called dialogues, when in fact they are real monologues.

We can then say that the first condition to be respected in order to initiate a liberating dialogue consists in having developed a capacity to understand and to value silence.

It is not the silence that is absent, but the silence of listening, paying attention and recognizing what the other is saying.

Be willing to dialogue

Dialogue between two people is only genuine if there is an innocent intention to dialogue. For that, one must be willing to listen and to make an effort to understand.

In this sense, remaining silent while the other is speaking is not enough; it is also about being mentally active within the framework of this silence.

When there is a real disposition to dialogue, a serene, understanding and curious listening arises.

Serene listening implies that in order to dialogue, one must choose a moment when the emotions are not aroused. And if they are, it is important to be sure that you have the capacity to control them.

Active listening is curious listening; it is not just a matter of remaining silent and approving of everything the other says, but also of seeking more information in order to clarify what the other is saying and to understand them better.

Asking questions is a great way to make a connection.

On the other hand, when we ask the other person questions, we prove to him that we are listening and that we are attentive to what he is saying to us.

Showing understanding listening means putting yourself in the other’s shoes and being able to capture what they feel when they speak.

It is being attentive to one’s feelings and emotions which are manifested in a non-verbal way.

Because liberating dialogue is something that goes well beyond words, and which also comes down to capturing the feelings that emerge during communication.

To judge is to sign the death warrant of a conversation

Behaving like a judge, as if the other person was being tried in a trial, is not a good solution, in any case.

On the contrary, adopting such behavior is to open the door to mistrust, fear, tension and non-communication.

Nobody wants to dialogue with someone who judges him or who wants to lecture him.

A liberating dialogue can give rise to awkward aspects, difficult confessions, or even, perhaps, truths that one does not necessarily want to hear.

It is only in this way that dialogue becomes truly liberating. However, this is impossible if the people concerned persist in censoring their words, or if they seek to exercise control over the behavior of the other.

It is also preferable to be well informed about the topic or the problem in question before expressing an opinion on it.

In fact, the best reasoning, in general, comes from people who have suffered from the same problem and who have experience in the field.

Often, professional help is the best option.

Important: let the dialogue flow

Achieving the highest grade of connection with the other person is fundamental; for that, it is better to listen to the other attentively, without interrupting or trying to judge.

However, we often interrupt the dialogue because we forget certain points made by the other and towards which we show a certain reluctance.

In such situations, it is best to write down the most important points and let that person speak without interrupting.

Thus, when the person concludes, he takes up point by point the argument that he has presented and he manifests his own opinion, obviously, without the dialogue becoming rigid or strict for all that.

The mood or the conversation scenario can also be important.

If the matter on which we are going to discuss is delicate or if it requires maximum attention, the best thing to do is to opt for a place that can allow us to avoid interruptions or exposure in public. ‘an intimate affair.

A suitable place contributes to the fluidity of the dialogue.

Five practical tips

From everything that has been said previously, five basic rules should be applied to ensure that a dialogue becomes a truly liberating space for the people concerned:

• Choose the right place, and the right time: you must not rush or rush the other, and you must also make sure that there will be no interruptions.
• Agree on the topic to be discussed: As bizarre as it may sound, often the dialogue fails because we have not clearly defined what we are talking about. If both parties know this, then they can make kind calls to the other to bring them back to the original topic if they stray from it.

• Suggest an objective: why do we have a dialogue? It is best to define it, and in defining it it is best to avoid setting unrealistic or overbearing goals.
  For example, the goal should never be to get the other to change, to stop behaving a certain way, or to make everything work.
  On the contrary, the dialogue must be oriented towards achieving a complete understanding on very specific points.
• Establish basic rules: for example, make a commitment not to interrupt the other while speaking and set a time limit for each speech.
  Even if at first it may seem a little artificial, it is nevertheless fundamental for the conversation to flow.
• Commit to talking about yourself, not about the other: this is a very healthy rule; express what you are feeling and don’t refer to how the other person is feeling.
  This will move you away from the temptation to make judgments, often free of charge.