Take Back Control Over Your Children Through The Words
Parents today find it very difficult to find clear educational models. This situation tends to confuse them. They may even come to feel disinterest or apathy. This is what Jaime Barylko describes in the book The Fear of Children. In fact, according to him, a new category of parents has emerged. Those who are confused by their role. They are afraid to invade the privacy of their children.
The educational model whereby parents absolutely run their children’s lives with iron control is no longer in fashion. Currently, it is more common to see parents with flexible roles. They are indeed more open. And quicker to listen. As well as trying to understand their children. However, while this has positive aspects, the new paradigms come with a series of challenges to overcome.
In addition, some parents have transferred their role to other institutions. With today’s culture and schedules incompatible with family life, many parents find it difficult to maintain control over their children. However, the little ones need a figure of reference in their life. Who teaches them to behave well. So we will see, in this article, how authority can be recovered.
The challenge, of course, is to gain that control without turning into a tyrant. The models that we will see later take into account the difficulties that parents have to face in the contemporary world. Let’s take a closer look at the three constructive models of child control.
Three constructive models of control and authority
Authority Based on Example
The control of children is necessary for their education and their development, just as it is fundamental that example and authority are intertwined. There is no point in trying to instill values and educational models in our children if we do not respect them ourselves. The first thing to take into account is that children behave normally like us.
If you tell them one thing and do another, your children will tend to act based on what you are doing. Your level of responsibility is therefore very high in education.
Authority based on prestige and service
The exercise of educational authority requires a base of prestige based on well-being. In the education of children, parents must exercise their authority as a service for their own good. True control over children only exists when it is intended to educate them and improve their behavior.
Authority based on the use of language
To have authority through words, adults must be fully aware of everything they say to their children. Even if talking is not enough. He must also pay attention to the form and tone of the words he uses.
How to communicate effectively with your children
The way you communicate with your children is one of the fundamental pillars for their education. And their development. This communication must also be accompanied by acts. We are therefore going to give you some examples of forms of communication with children. In each of them, you will be able to compare a not very efficient way of speaking and one that works. The main difference is that in the latter, authority comes through affection and tenderness.
Examples of incorrect / correct communication
- “Bring this to me” instead of “Could you bring me this? Mom and dad would be very happy ”.
- “You’ll see! ”And“ Tell me, why are you doing this if you know it bothers us? ”.
- “You’re going to put everything away! Or I’ll show you what I’m burning with ”instead of“ The first to finish tidying up will get a reward! Ready, set, go !”.
- “Put it all away or you’ll get a punishment” and “There’s a lot of mess here. I’ll come back in a few minutes. If everything is in order when I come back, tomorrow I’ll buy you your favorite snack after school ”.
- “Go to bed” instead of “Let’s go to your bed. You will tell me your dream of yesterday. We will see if you can continue it today, I will help you with a story ”.
- “You bother me” versus “Let me rest for a few minutes, and then mom can play with you longer”.
- “Your pants are dirty. It’s a disaster ”in the face of“ It’s a shame that you get so dirty every day. We can’t go to other places. If you try not to get dirty, you will be able to go to your friends more often ”.
The idea is not just for your children to obey. They must also try to understand. Thus, the control you will have over their behavior will be much more effective and lasting. You will also establish a connection with a very important value: that of behaving well in order to live better with others and with themselves.
Our thoughts Sometimes we think we know everything about the education of children. However, many of the beliefs we hold are erroneous.
