Don’t Stand By Someone Who Doesn’t Really Like You
Is someone who doesn’t really love us worth our time? Does it deserve to be in our company and to receive our attention? Sometimes we do things that we don’t want to do because we think they are part of our obligations.
Karen Horney tells us about the tyranny of “I must”. This is usually the result of the education we have received. However, it pushes us to act against our values and often against our own interests.
Getting rid of these obligations is not easy. They are usually deeply rooted in our beliefs. Thus, the simple fact of considering not following these inclinations very often generates cognitive dissonance. It is a state of discomfort that results from trying to fit two pieces that are not really compatible together.
When these two concepts collide, an internal conflict arises. The latter is pushing us to do something about it. There are then two options available to us. Continue to do what we are supposed to do or challenge our values and change course. And this, even if it means going against the grain.
Interpersonal relationships are not exempt from this observation and many people suffer from it. Whether it’s our partner, friend or even family, we believe that we “should” behave in a certain way, no matter what the circumstances.
When should you leave someone who doesn’t really love you?
Saying that someone doesn’t really like you is a tough question. It is essential, first of all, to establish certain limits. Not to profit from it, but because these relationships constitute an obstacle to our well-being.
What do we mean by “not really liking”? Psychologist Silvia Congost advises us to cover our ears and observe what is happening around us. It’s easy to tell someone you love them with words. It is also easy to believe these words when they are addressed to us.
But, do we really feel the love that they claim to have for us? Are the actions of the person in question consistent with what it means to love? Indeed, if we only listen to words of love, without any gesture in this direction, it may simply be a sham.
Some limits are non-negotiable. Once crossed, one should be able to end a relationship.
In addition to these limits, there are others that are more personal and specific to each of us according to our character. Thus, it is up to everyone to judge how far it seems acceptable to us to put up with someone who hurts us. Find out below which limits should not be exceeded.
If the other mistreats you, he doesn’t really like you
And this, whether it is physical or psychological abuse. If there is abuse, end the relationship. We are not talking here only of the couple relationship, but of any type of interpersonal relationship, including family relationships.
Abusing someone is like making the other person feel inferior. The person who commits the abuse thinks they have a real right to hurt the other person. This gradually undermines the victim’s self-esteem.
If the latter does not break free from this relationship, she risks being terribly shaken. Indeed, the longer we stay in a situation of violence, the more we think we should stay there because we end up feeling inferior and therefore thinking that we do not deserve better.
When he ignores you
Ignoring someone you are supposed to love is another form of abuse. It’s turning your back on the other person. Once again, it’s making her feel again that she’s in your grip.
It is important that the victim does not allow himself to be overwhelmed by certain beliefs. For example, to think that “this person is like that” or “that is their way of behaving”. These reflections of this type lock him in the hope of an unrealistic change and in the trivialization of his situation.
When someone ignores us, they let us know that they don’t care what we have to say to them. He ignores our feelings and our thoughts. It’s clear that if a person makes you feel this way, they don’t really like you. Indeed, even if she does not mistreat you directly, she ignores your emotions : she considers them worthless.
If the other humiliates you, he doesn’t really like you
There are people who make fun of others in public. For example, they make jokes about physical appearance or how to speak. Sometimes these humiliations are not done in public but in private. Either way, we shouldn’t allow anyone to humiliate us. It is about our self-esteem.
Remember that neither our appearances nor our behavior are sufficient to define us as individuals. It must be clear in everyone’s mind. Nonetheless, it is normal that we feel hurt when someone makes negative references to these topics. Worse still, if these remarks come from someone dear to us.
When the other deprives you of your freedom
Not only is freedom a right, but the feeling of freedom is also a right. This is why those who really love you do not restrict your freedom too much, but they also make sure that you feel the feeling of that freedom.
Such a person makes you feel responsibility. Either way. You are thus responsible for your successes but also for your mistakes. It is therefore your responsibility to repair them if necessary.
Let’s take an example. Some parents try to convince their children to get a college degree in a particular field. They do it “for the good of their child”.
In reality, however these parents do not like their children in a totally altruistic, even if they do not consider this manière.On can see that this operation is linked to the self-centeredness that a real interest in this that really interests their child.
Freedom is one of the most precious goods. We need to feel free to decide what we think, how we dress, what friends we choose, or where we live. Allowing someone else to make these decisions means relinquishing some of the power that really belongs to us.
It’s not an obligation
Finally, remember that there is no obligation. Nowhere is it written that you have to stay with someone who doesn’t love you enough all your life. It is even the opposite! So break the inertia that prevents you from putting distance in the relationship.
Who doesn’t love you properly, doesn’t deserve your presence. Whoever is selfish does not deserve your generosity. The one who does not offer himself does not deserve your availability. Now that you know this, putting it into practice is still up to you. This is an exercise in assertiveness that we strongly encourage you to do.
Our thoughts Love involves responsibility. When you love someone, you take responsibility for your actions, words and behavior.
