4 Factors That Destroy A Couple Relationship
The couple relationship is a bond that constantly puts us to the test, since an intimate contact is established where all our fears and our insecurity emerge. For couples therapists, there are 4 determining factors that cause the end of a relationship, which this article is devoted to.
Seeing yourself involved in one of these behaviors indicates that we need to change an important aspect in the way we relate to others. Otherwise, we will fuel the conflict by increasing the likelihood that the relationship will end.
Arguments, misunderstandings and disagreements are part of the relationship. However, there are many ways to communicate our emotions, and some of them are very destructive. These are the forms of expression that we must leave aside if we want to feel understood, but also if we want our relationship to come out stronger.
Critics hurt, destroy and hurt. Their power is so great that on their own they can destroy a relationship, especially if they are directed at the person (not at the behavior or through a first person message) and the latter has not. the opportunity to respond. Within a relationship, these are weapons loaded by the devil himself.
Criticism and complaint are two different things that should not be confused. Indeed, the complaint is rather specific; it centers on the act itself more than on the person. It’s not the same as saying “today you look distracted” and “you never pay attention to me”. Criticism translates into guilt and defamation, with all that that can mean for the other person.
Contempt is certainly the worst of the four behaviors discussed in this article. When we look down on our mate, we make the relationship worse, causing a very deep wound. Contempt therefore attacks what is most basic; the respect we owe to the other.
Sarcasm, mockery and skepticism are part of contempt. We must be on the lookout for when we fall into these behaviors, since once we learn to relate to others in this way, the conflict is served and the damage caused will know a long and complex repair. .
When we adopt a defensive attitude, we obstruct communication via a barrier that we create by making our companion feel guilty. We distort messages and fill them with interference, with the unconscious goal of not showing our vulnerability.
When we stay in this attitude, we block the dialogue and the emotional tone, to leave room for incomprehension and emotional distancing. By feeling attacked, we raise a shield in front of us as well as all our weapons, thus making the bond a pitched battle.
The violent approach to an argument gives shape to factors that we told you about earlier in this article. Criticism and contempt can give rise to a defensive attitude ; later, when the distance begins to be important, the evasive attitude appears.
At this point in the relationship, where it is necessary to distance yourself to feel good, the will of the two members of the couple will be necessary to save what is broken so as not to further destroy the relationship they maintain. together ; quite the opposite, therefore, of what an evasive attitude would be.
One can ignore the problem or ignore the other, but when you look back, you will realize that there is nothing left. So, the evasive attitude makes it clear that love is leaving. On the other hand, this indicator usually appears more often in couples who have already been together for some time, and who have not had to deal with other symptoms signaling their difficulties in bonding one- e to each other and love each other.
