3 Questions To Answer Before Living Together
Living together is usually a step forward in most relationships, but it doesn’t involve as much of a commitment as the mythical “until death do your part”. However, betting on coexistence is a serious enough decision that it requires careful evaluation before doing so.
What is sought, in all cases, is to consolidate a stable and rewarding relationship. Before living together, it is therefore necessary to know each other sufficiently and to have concluded certain agreements.
It is important that both members of the couple have a similar vision around certain aspects that are usually problematic if they have not been clarified. Honesty is also essential. First with oneself, then with the other in relation to very relevant questions within the couple.
In principle, before making the decision to live together, it is necessary that there is an agreement on three aspects that we present below in the form of questions. So let’s see what these questions are.
1. Fidelity, a problem to be solved before living together
The first question to answer at the beginning of coexistence is: do you agree on the questions of fidelity? Often it is taken for granted that when coexistence begins, any possibility of having a relationship with a third party is eliminated. However, the terms are not always so clear.
This is one of the thorniest issues in any relationship because it is rarely addressed explicitly. For this reason, it is also a question that must be very clear from the start. Couple members may have different views on the value they place on loyalty or their disposition towards monogamy.
A conversation about this can be a little disappointing. Unless there is real conviction, it is better not to make promises when we do not know if we will be able to keep them. The best thing to do is to be honest and establish the boundaries of the relationship, both at the start of it and as they change for us.
2. Is there convergence in future plans?
If you decide to live together, it’s because you at least share this common project and all that it implies. It is worth making a plan for your respective projects before taking the relationship one step further.
What everyone hopes and wants to achieve must largely coincide. Otherwise, it is possible that the very development of individual life plans will end up creating a gap between the two of you. If one wants to settle down, while the other dreams only of traveling the world, it is more likely that the couple will eventually fall apart.
Aspects such as whether or not you want to have children, as well as individual lifestyles are crucial for a successful life as a couple. It is best to basically agree on these points, instead of waiting for the other to change their mind. It probably won’t happen.
3. Do you feel free to make the decision?
This is another of these aspects that seems obvious, but often it is not. The decision to live together must be totally desired. Sometimes there is pressure in this regard, but they are not given the importance they have. Over time, such pressures can take a heavy toll.
A person may think it is time for a relationship just because almost everyone around them is. It may also be that family silence weighs heavily when it refers to celibacy. Or that she doesn’t feel comfortable being alone and wants to find someone to live with because of it.
It may be wise to rethink the decision to live together if any of these factors or pressures are at play. If so, it may be necessary to resolve this issue first and not rush into a change that could lead to many disappointments. Sharing life with your partner should be a free decision.
It is clear that the decision to live together is reversible and that there are no certainties in the life of a couple. However, the margin of luck and uncertainty is reduced with basic agreements on relevant issues.
Our thoughts We were talking about logical-mathematical and linguistic intelligence. We know today that there are many more including naturalistic intelligence.
